october 21, 2015 is officially the past…
I have a little beat up MOLESKINE that I keep around to write down pretty much anything that pops into my little head. I haven’t read through the earlier pages mainly because there isn’t any information in those pages pertinent to my life.
Tonight before bed, I find myself opening it and scanning through the first part of my little book and for the first time I realize that I have had this little book for almost five and a half years.
Five and a half years ago I was a completely different person who was in a completely different part of her life. Going through the pages brings me to a sense of nostalgia and I smile to myself, but the smile of course does not last very long. This little book was intended to be a workout/food diary to my past self trying to regain some sort of control by attempting to lose weight. I use “attempting” because at this time it was a truly half ass attempt.
Past the workout logs and the food logs, are the cries of an emotionally broken weak girl. Now do not get your panties in a bunch, I am not saying that emotionally broken people are weak, I am just saying that I was. If you knew me prior to this time in my life, you could say that I was shy and timid but not weak. I still look back in that time in my life and wonder what the hell possessed me to become unrecognizable to myself and to my friends/family. The answer? LOVE or at least the thought of it… It is evident that whoever wrote in the first part of this book was heart broken and going through a breakup and it took her two years to write something again in that book.
Reading through the first part of this little book was hard yet strangely gratifying. I am very satisfied that I am no longer the weak girl, but a stronger and more confident version of myself. It is always nice to be happy and satisfied of where you are at in your life, emotionally or otherwise, but it is also important to be able to remember what it was like when life wasn’t so peachy. Remembering previous heartbreaks/adversities helps you know that whatever comes next you can and will come out on the other side.
So now after all this pondering about five years ago me, I wonder when I will become ten years ago me…so optimistic about love and life because I hadn’t yet been touched by the sting of heartbreak…
Another year, another day, another blog ❤
For the past year, I have been toying with the idea of making a blog dedicated to something that I truly was passionate about, or at least had enough of an interest to keep on topic and have that be the theme of my blog. As a veteran blogger (okay maybe I’m being too bold in saying “veteran” because I’m not sure you could say that since I started blogging in those angst filled teenage years) I find it hard to have one place for one specific thing. I clearly have been used to choosing a moniker of my own choosing without really giving it much thought of what was going to be housed under said name. Now we live in an age that blogging is so much more direct and there is a clear driving force to what direction that particular blog is heading. So what happens to all the other blogs when the writer is like me and can’t specifically just talk about one thing day in and day out, but instead wants to provide a cornucopia of things? Maybe we are all meant to fade into obscurity.
Even if that is true, I give you my blog which is basically just a glimpse into my life through food, pictures, fitness, and of course beautiful word vomit (admit it we all do it somewhere, we rant and rave in our own little tiny part of the internet).